Im not a professional but here im going to try and explain her actions, she will never admit what she did, but i have been thinking about this long and hard for weeks now.

Narcissists will say they love you but they dont feel love like the rest of us, they love the things you provide for them, the validation you provide is what they feed on. When this drys up they move onto their next victim, but they never let you go, you keep you in their back pocket just in case your needed.

I know now that what i experienced is text book in terms of what happened.

It starts with a love bomb, they mirror your needs so they can learn what it is that you need. At this stage you feel like your soul mates. But this doesn't last long……..

Soon they will start with the jibes and critical feedback, they will ostracise you from your friends so they can control you.

At this point they own you, they dont feel bad about this as its their plan.

You, im afraid are now addicted to the narcissist like a crack addict and will do anything to ensure you get their approval. I know this as i would even ask her for approval before i spent my money on my kids.

This reel says it all Instagram Video

Now lets look at some of the specific behaviours

• They lead very separate lives concurrently , in the years we were together , she spoke to her family and clients on whatsApp, and blocked me and had me on skype. This was done so i couldn’t tell when she was online so she could hide her clients from me, but of course i was told it was because i had done something bad and it was punishment.

• She will constantly lie about everything. its only now that i look back at the last 6 years that i realise she made up a story every time, which everyone else saw through, only i didn’t.

• When she calls you it usually from a dark room, if she’s indoors. This is because she was working in flats where her clients would visit her. When i started asking questions and asking for the camera to be panned around the room, she would get upset and attack me. After that we only communicated in person or over text, she said she didn’t like spending long on a call.

• In a five year relationship i never met any of her friends, she met all of mine and slowly got me to stop talking to them, i now know this is so she could further control me and once she finally admitted to working as a prostitute while we were together I realised all her friends were either in the same work or her clients.

• She never took accountability for any issues, they were always my fault. the way she would do this is to disrespect me and then blame me when i reacted. The first time this happened was our 2nd Christmas together. She had asked for over £700 worth or presents. In return she bought me a box of chocolates, saying she had no money. Which was incorrect i was giving her £900 each month for her to save for her visa. However i found out later she had spent all the money on make up! When i asked her about it she said she had the money, the next day i came home to find she had left our house and moved back into her little room. Again i got the blame for this.

• Why does someone start an argument for no reason on a Friday and then disappear for the weekend. By this time i was starting to see a pattern emerging. What she didn’t know is that i have a friend that is a private investigator, I tasked him following her during these periods. However this got very costly as she was traveling around the country. So we took a different tack. While she was away we would send her a text message saying that she has a parcel delivered and to acknowledge the message. On pressing this the response back to us would include the local cell towers allowing us to triangulate her whereabouts. What we discovered was that she was travelling around the country with her friends working as a prostitute in each of the cites.

• She was seeing at least 2 different boys , that i know of , while she was with me. Again she denyed it. but the occasional comment would slip her up and cast doubt on the story

• A week after i gave her the second engagement ring, she went on a day trip to the beach with her friends. i was at a concert with a friend when i called her to ask when she would be back. Its at this time i was told she would be back tomorrow. I was confused and hurt, why hadnt she told me this earlier, she obviously knew and had packed appropriatly, its not like i would have objected. She tried calling me later to check on me but i was with my friends and didnt want to think about the disrespect., it had ruined my evening.

  The following day i called her and she wasn’t answering, so i continued to call her….it took over 70 attempts for her to answer the phone. i told her i missed her and took my kids and we picked her up. which was normal.

  While sitting at home i noticed a large blemish under her eye, she had used make up to cover it. however the bruseing was quite large. I was concerned what had happened, she looked like she had been punched. She explained she had walked into a door, but i didn’t believe her, i had seen plenty for these types of wound, i had had a few in the past. It was clear to me she had been punched below the eye. At the same time her instagram posts had shown her dancing with her friends in a bar, i had not met any of them.

  I asked what had been the sleeping arrangements, she told me she, a girl friend and 2 boys had shared a room and a bed! i was horrified, do you think it was appropriate behaviour for a newly engaged women to be sharing a bed with 2 boys. she said nothing had happened, she knew how to act appropriately, again i believed her, however what i found next cast a shadow on this explanation, so again i was being lied too.

  Shortly after the trip a porn video had been released online which showed someone with a remarkable similair body shape as her, wearing the same ring, glasses and swin suit as hers and had a number of people that looked like the people in her instagram post. She was called the bride. i confronted her about the video which had been edited, however a friend in the movie business was able to confirm what editing and where it had taken place. She obviously denyed the video making out it was me being paranoid, however it was reomoved form the site shortly afterwards, but not before i got a copy . I will not share that here, it was hard enough for me watch it, my blood boiled and i have not watched it since.

  The subject of the bruise came up plenty of times after the initial ask, any time I thought she would let the truth. However this story didnt change until years later, when we had already. i asked her again as i said their was no need to lie, as we weren’t together anymore. The story change was that her and her friend has attempted a botox injection. Again i didnt believe her and alas i doubt we will ever know how she got it. But from the face of it, it looks like something she doesn't want us to know.